I turn my head to glance at the clock on the bright screen of my smart phone. It is a little past midnight. I think, “Okay, I’ll get exactly 7 hours, if I fall asleep. Right now.” Exhausted, I roll over again and attempt to find the most comfortable position. I even flip my pillow to the “cold side.”
I’ve found myself going through this episode throughout my life, but it has hit me especially hard during my college years. I’ve come to realize my thoughts are like a black hole at night: never-ending with no solutions.
During the day, I am stacked with classes from the morning till late afternoon, then a night class once a week. In between all this, I have an internship, student activities, and study time in the library. I even go to the gym at least a couple times a week, not just to get exercise, but to purposely drain myself.
My mind, which is annoyingly active, sprints through the usual topics before I fall asleep—family, friends, relationships, school. The topics that haunt me are the “what ifs” of life, the unpredictable future. Ugh, now my anxiety levels are going up.
I visualize myself planted in the middle of a Hawaiian beach, relaxed by the waves. Failed attempt. All right, time to count sheep.
Exasperated, I wake up to write in my personal blog.
Now, it’s 3 a.m.