By Danielle Emeka
I took his shirt out of my dresser and layed it against the carpet. I checked my lines with a steady hand full of assurance, guided the scissors as they cut through all that I had hidden away. A year of memories, longing, love and tears were held within the fabric. I viewed my work. “Cute,” I thought as a examined the new crop top I’d just created. I had held onto his shirt for nearly two years. In the drawer it had stayed. I had never put it on. Away from the light and, out of my sight, and unable to force me to think about him. It still smelled like him after all this time. Cocoa butter and castor oil woven with his natural scent.
Then one day I saw it for what it was. Just a shirt an ex had left behind. The hold it had on me was gone and I had to do something with it. I knew I couldn’t throw it away, for that would be denying the experiences I had with him. Perhaps I make new memories with it. Better ones.
I’m taking the same approach to this new year. Aside from school, work, dating and general day-to day-things. I’m working on parts of my past and not letting them take control of me. Some are still sitting in a drawer in my mind, hidden away from the light. One day I’ll have the courage to open that drawer, find what’s inside and see what I can transform it into.