Grieving, Grades and Goodbyes

Untitled design-3 by Claire Golden

The day before a big midterm exam last term, my pet chicken Harriet died. It wasn’t entirely unexpected, but I didn’t think it would be that day… and anyway, how can you prepare for loss? You can’t. It hit me like a tidal wave that I would never get to pet her silky feathers again, or eat one of her eggs, or snuggle into her fluff. Everybody processes grief in different ways, and for me, I went into shock. 

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From the moment the vet took Harriet away to put her to sleep, my emotions disappeared. I was looking at the world through a veil of apathy. It took a few days before I could start to process that she was gone. The last thing in the world I wanted to think about was a midterm. To make things even worse, I had planned today as my study day, but there was no way I could study in this mental space.

The only thing I could do was keep going, so I did. I dragged myself out of bed the next day feeling absolutely empty, sat down in my classroom, and wrote my way through the midterm. The only way I made it through was with the support of my friends and family. When I told them about Harriet, they were sympathetic and kind, offering me hugs and somebody to talk to. I made it through the day, and the next, and somehow I was still going. 

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It’s been almost three months without Harriet, and it still hurts. I miss her every day, and that pain will never completely go away. But I’m still here. I will always love her, which is how I can keep her memory alive. And you know what? I got a good grade on that midterm. It feels like Harriet was watching out for me.

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