I see, I saw, I am here

By Qin Xia

“I love to accept every day’s challenge!” That’s hilarious, because like most people, I don’t like change. I’d love to live in a stable situation with some traveling, but totally not like this.Before I decided to study in the U.S., I barely knew the life here. I am not a research kind of person. I just wanted to go. And when I first came here, I hated it.

My PSU life began Winter term 2107: 20 days of snow covered roads, 30 days without any sunshine, endless rainy days. Strange language, strange faces, even the air. I barely understood the classes. My self confidence crashed. “I want to go back to China,” I whined like a toddler. I was such a nuisance that I even hated myself at times.

Then I saw. I saw a large lady wearing tight jeans walking down the street proudly. I saw a mother with a beard taking care of his/her little girl really well. I saw a girl in a bikini lying on the grass during the first spring sunshine. I saw a man after I refused to give him “a spare dollar” still wish me a nice day. I saw people define their identity by their own thoughts.

I saw lovers show their love without any fear no matter if they are homosexual or heterosexual. I saw a man sitting on a bench crying freely without any embarrassment. Then, I see myself. I am not scared of tight jeans any more. A huge butt might be another kind of sexy.

I will allow myself to cry when I think I need to cry without any concern if it’s a weak thing. I can do whatever I want to do without thinking about what others think of me. I feel safe and free to be who I am here. I still hate change, but for now, I am enjoying it.